Abyss
by spiralnebulaM31
Summary: Roland is trying to get used to living in Sherwood Forest again, this time without his papa. Twenty-six drabbles, one for each letter of the alphabet. Plus, a beautiful and meaningful word with Greek roots for every letter.
1. Aeonian

**Aeonian**

 _From Ancient Greek αἰώνιος [aeonios] (lasting an aeon; eternal, everlasting)_

Roland tried to stop the flow of tears, his chest convulsing painfully with every sob, not letting him breathe properly. His covers were wet with tears and snot, but he didn't care, because the pain was too much and he couldn't hold it in. Little John had stepped outside for a moment and that's when it started, that's when Roland realized that he was all alone.

During a long shattering inhale, he heard it. Dry branches breaking, the sound of dirt shuffling on the forest ground. And sobs that didn't come from him.

Roland peeked outside the tent, the wet covers forgotten and drawn aside despite the cold of the night.

Her head snapped up, her eyes immediately locking to his.

"Roland," Regina said in a sigh, crouching on the ground in front of Little John's tent.

Roland jumped into her arms, his own arms wrapping around her neck while she hugged him tightly. The wetness of his face was rubbing off on her neck, but she didn't seem to care.

"Regina, don't cry," Roland said, a broken sob escaping before he could stop it.

"Okay," Regina said and drew back to look at him. She gave him a small smile. Even though the tears kept running on her face, the way she looked at him made Roland feel that familiar warmth, the kind of warmth he always felt with his papa.

"Roland, I want you to remember one thing," Regina said, and Roland nodded before she continued. "Your daddy loved you very much and that love will never die. He'll be here forever," she finished with her palm gently touching the place where Roland's heart beat.

"And here?" Roland asked while bringing his hand to rest on her chest.

It was Regina's turn to nod.

"Always."


	2. Basil

**Basil**

 _From Ancient Greek βασιλικός [vasilikos] (royal; name of the herb Ocimum basilicum)_

Roland used to know Sherwood Forest. He used to play among its trees all day, he used to sleep in it, eat in it, have his happiest moments in it. But then they moved to the Queen's castle and everything changed. Home was where his papa was, so the castle became his home. When they got to Storybrooke home was a different forest and then it was Regina's house and then Storybrooke's forest again. And then… Home didn't exist anymore. Home used to move a lot, but it wasn't there if his papa wasn't there.

Stepping carefully on the wet ground, Roland noticed the tall trees around them gradually giving their place to shorter, different plantation.

Friar Tuck bent down to examine some herbs.

"Can I help?" Roland asked.

"You don't have to do anything, my boy. Just try to enjoy your day. Why don't you play while I'm collecting herbs?"

"But papa always let me help! And Regina, she said I was her knight!" Roland said, regretting going with Tuck, because even if the man was kind, he wasn't the one Roland wanted to spend time with.

Tuck sighed and looked down, an expression on his face that Roland didn't quite understand. But he got that expression a lot since they returned to Sherwood Forest.

A few hours later Roland had learnt three new herbs and recognized one he already knew. Doing something useful felt better than not having anything to do.

They were heading back to the camp when Roland gasped and stopped walking.

"What is it?" Tuck asked, concern coloring his voice.

Roland took a few steps to reach the newly discovered plant. He kneeled on the ground and rubbed one leaf with his fingertips. As a familiar scent filled the air, images of other times and other places filled Roland's head, and he grinned widely.

 _"What is that, your Majesty?" "It's basil."_ Regina smiling and teaching him about her favorite herbs and spices at the grounds near the castle.

 _"Papa, can we use basil? It makes tomatoes taste yummier!"_ His papa attempting to cook in a kitchen that looked nothing like the place where they used to cook in the forest.

 _"This is how they make pasta in Storybrooke. Try it, I used basil in the sauce."_ Regina winking at him and presenting a plate full of wonderfully smelling food.

 _"Papa, let's plant our own basil." Father and son working in a newly planted garden near Storybrooke's forest._

"It's basil!" Roland exclaimed.

And suddenly that unfamiliar place felt a little more like home.


	3. Chaos

**Chaos**

 _From Ancient Greek χάος (abyss, that which gapes wide open, is vast and empty)_

A warning scream.

Panicked voices.

Frantic footsteps.

Roland woke up feeling disoriented. He was in Tuck's tent, but Tuck was nowhere to be seen. Roland opened the tent's cover just a little to see what was going on. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at the image in front of him in horror.

More screams, more people running.

Flying arrows everywhere.

A fire burning at the edge of the camp.

Suddenly a big figure stood in front of the tent and the terrible images disappeared.

"Come on, we have to go," Little John said, his voice urgent but steady.

Roland blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision from the tears – tears from the smoke or from waking up abruptly when the night turned into day, he wasn't sure. He acted quickly, put his boots on over his sleeping pants and lunged out of the tent. Little John lifted him up and carried him to a nearby clearing. The arrows were still being shot around them, but Roland felt safe in Little John's arms.

But then Little John was gone. Roland was left at the clearing with two women and their children. The women held weapons, but the children – a few years older than Roland – looked scared and vulnerable. Roland wondered why he didn't feel that way. After the initial shock all he thought was that he wanted to help. He glanced at the camp, at the sea of men fighting and blood spattering. His eyes got wide with terror, but something strange flowed freely in his veins and he wanted to be there in the action, he wanted to be a hero like his papa was.

With the women and children focused on the battle in front of them, Roland found a chance to slid behind them and reached the Merry Men's weapon stash. He was about to grab a single arrow when two large hands grabbed his waist from behind.

"No! NO!" Roland yelled and squirmed in the stranger's arms, unsuccessfully trying to get away.

"Look what we have here," the man said in Roland's ear, his breath reaching the boy's cheek and nostrils, the stench of it making bile rise in Roland's throat.

The man's hands were wrapped tightly around his body and Roland was finding it hard to breathe.

"PAPA!" Roland shouted, a fruitless attempt, he knew it after the word left his mouth, because his papa wasn't there, he would never be there again. Roland started sobbing at the realization, dry sobs that were followed by fat tears falling on his cheeks, salty and warm.

"Regina," Roland whispered after a bit, after the man took off and started running away from the camp. Because his papa wasn't alive, but Regina was. Roland sobbed even harder because she was alive, but she wasn't there either; the Queen who saved him the last time they were in that world wasn't there just like his papa wasn't there.

Everything happened really fast. A familiar sound, then the man was on the ground and Roland in Little John's arms again. Little John started running towards the opposite direction of where the man had attempted to take Roland. Roland looked above Little John's shoulder and noticed an arrow buried deeply into the man's chest. He averted his eyes and looked at Little John's face instead. The kind man, the strong giant, his papa's friend and now his protector, was crying.


	4. Dilemma

**Dilemma**

 _From Ancient Greek δίλημμα: δι, coming from δύο, meaning "two" and λήμμα meaning "premise, anything received or taken" (double proposition)_

"Do you think it's best if we go?"

"I really don't know."

"The last time we were there the Wicked Witch was the main threat. That won't be the case now."

"How can you be sure there won't be any other threats? It's the Evil Queen's castle we're talking about."

Roland sat inside the tent silently and listened to every word. The Merry Men thought he was asleep, but Roland couldn't keep his eyes closed. The air still smelled like smoke; not smoke from the campfire, but from the valuable things the bad people burnt when they attacked them. Roland had seen the disaster before he went to sleep, he experienced it the entire day. Everyone kept running around frantically, even after the bad people were gone. The unwounded cleaned the wounds of the wounded and Roland, along with the other two children, was responsible for the meals of the day. Roland was glad that he had something to distract himself with. The other children didn't say a word to him, but he didn't feel like talking anyway. And then the night came, bringing deep conversations and important decisions with it.

"Little John? Are you seriously thinking about going back to the land without magic?"

 _Yes!_ Roland thought. He brought his hand up, ready to pull the tent's cover to express his opinion.

"We brought Roland here to grow up where his father lived for most of his life, but also to protect him from everything Regina and her family always had to encounter. If it's as dangerous here as it is in Storybrooke, then why should we keep him away from his sister and the only woman who has been an actual mother figure to him?" Little John said.

Roland sat back. A wave of relief filled his heart while it was beating fast with anticipation. Maybe Little John could convince them. Maybe they would go back.

"We should try the castle before we decide. It might be safer there," Friar Tuck said. The rest of the men agreed with respect.

A few moments later Little John entered the tent. Once he saw that Roland was awake he smiled at him.

"We're leaving for Regina's castle tomorrow. Maybe your monkey will still be there."

Roland finally fell asleep with that thought in his mind. His papa was gone, Regina wasn't there, there was no Henry to play with, but maybe the stuffed monkey that had never made it to the other world was still in the place he once called home.


	5. Euphoria

**Euphoria**

 _From Ancient Greek εὐφορία: εὖ meaning "well" and φέρω meaning "to bear" (an affective state and a form of pleasure in which a person experiences intense feelings of well-being, happiness and excitement)_

Two strong arms held Roland securely and he buried his face in the familiarity of his father's pine and scent, and something else that smelled uniquely like _papa_. The boy tried to stay put and quiet while they were moving through the forest, but the giggles that erupted through him had other plans.

His papa looked down at him with a smile.

"Let me down, papa!" Roland said as he squirmed in his father's arms.

His papa let out a laugh which made Roland giggle even more loudly. In the next moment the boy was on the ground and started running around his papa. He grabbed his papa's hand with both of his own and led him to each corner of the camp he had left new toys at while his papa and his Merry Men were in their mission.

They laughed and played until the sun set. His papa had managed to sneak some food into the boy's mouth in between blissful moments of joy.

"Papa," Roland whispered when his papa tucked him in and wrapped him with soft covers that smelled like home.

"Yes, my boy."

"You're more fun than Little John, Much, and Tuck."

His papa chuckled and Roland didn't understand why, but he kept grinning up at him.

The last thing Roland remembered before sleep took him was the warmth of the covers and of his papa's look.

Roland woke up with a start, feeling like he hadn't slept at all. His breathing was fast and a content feeling filled his chest, something he hadn't felt for a long time. He looked around curiously and it took him a few seconds to realize that he was in the carriage that was taking him to the Regina's castle.

He was covered with a blanket that was scratchy against the skin of his neck and it smelled wet and smokey. The darkness of the night was thick and the road felt bumpy under the carriage's wheels.

"Look who's up! It's not dawn yet, so you can get a little more sleep, Roland," Little John said from the other side of the carriage, the wagon tilted his way making Roland wonder if it would fall on the ground.

Roland nodded and sank back on the uncomfortable seat. The feeling of happiness he felt the moment he woke up was long gone and he couldn't remember how to get it back.


	6. Fantasia

**Fantasia**

 _(Greek) From Ancient Greek φαντασία (the ability of the human mind to imagine, form and combine images and ideas freely, using and overcoming the cognitive rules)_

From the moment the Merry Men stepped foot in the castle Roland liked to pretend that things were different than they actually were.

The gray stuffed monkey, turned a few shades darker by the dust that covered it, was new and shiny, and reunited with Roland like a dear old friend. (Roland spent days trying to clean it and might have pulled one or two threads with his inexperienced fingers – one of the monkey's legs now revealed the cotton that was inside the toy.)

The crib in Snow and Charming's bedchambers, the one they let Roland look at when they explained to him that they were going to have a baby, was his little sister's crib. (Roland hadn't actually seen her having a crib. Peanut – that's how he liked to call her because her tiny nose looked like a peanut – was usually carried around and Roland wondered if she felt comfortable in all those pairs of arms that had held her.)

The beautiful angel statue that decorated a corner of the dining hall was his mama. (Roland knew putting the angel there was Snow's idea and he was glad because before that he didn't know what angels were. He didn't remember his mama, but he imagined that her face would be as sweet as the angel's.)

The imaginary friend who didn't really have a name until now was Henry. (Roland could hear Henry's voice in his head whenever he was scared. It was his voice that he heard after his papa's and Regina's voices. _"Take care of your sister while we're gone. Mom says you're her knight. You can be Peanut's knight now. You're strong and brave."_ Roland knew Henry wasn't really there, but sometimes his voice helped him feel stronger.)

Roland explored a lot of places inside the castle and tried to find something that would look like Regina so he could name it after her. Then he tried to find something that would become his papa's reminder. Nothing was good enough to be his papa and Regina, nothing pretty enough to fill the blank space Roland felt where his heart should be.

The days turned into weeks and Roland's thoughts turned into drawings. He asked Little John to bring him drawing supplies and he had papers and colors after a few days.

He drew his papa first. A fat tear ended up spilling on the stick figure's face and Roland cried even harder because the drawing was gone just like his papa.

When Roland had drawn something in every blank corner of his papers he could find, he showed all of them to some of the Merry Men.

"You have wild imagination," Much said with a chuckle.

"What does that mean?" Roland asked, confused.

"It means that your drawings are great and your papa would be proud of you," Little John said, the usual shine he had when he talked about Roland's papa evident in his eyes.

Roland nodded and smiled. His papa being proud of him, wherever he was, was a comforting thought.

"Can I have more drawing papers?"


	7. Genesis

**Genesis**

 _From Ancient Greek γένεσις (creation) which comes from Ancient Greek γίγνεσθαι (to be born)_

"How long have we been here?" Roland asked Little John one day during breakfast.

"You mean here, in the castle?"

"No, in this world."

"Ah. About three months," Little John replied and continued eating his porridge with a skeptical look on his face.

Roland counted with his fingers and frowned.

"Then why is it still winter?"

Little John explained that it could take a while for nature to do its job and that every place had its own rhythm. Apparently the seasons in the Enchanted Forest were different than the seasons in Storybrooke. Before Roland's papa had left he told him that it would be spring soon and they could play by the lake once he was back. But his papa was gone before they could enjoy the nice weather that hadn't made its appearance yet. Even though it was supposed to be spring, that part of the Enchanted Forest was gloomy and cold, colder than Sherwood Forest.

Lang, a young lad who had been wandering in the woods scared and alone before the Merry Men took him in a few weeks ago, was responsible for watching Roland that day while the adults discussed "some serious matters". Roland walked around in the secluded yard they had for playing. Lang was only a few steps away, sitting on the cold floor and eating a second breakfast. Roland scrunched his nose in distaste – why would someone need a second breakfast?

Roland stepped on the slippery stones, testing Lang. The older boy didn't even notice Roland doing something dangerous. Roland shrugged and looked at the other kids playing together not far from him. They were only a few – not many Merry Men had children – but each of them had already called Roland a different name that wasn't his name. "The short one", "the orphan", "the one who doesn't talk". So Roland avoided them. He had his older friends to talk with when they had time – Little John, Tuck, Much, Alan-a-Dale, even Lang when he wasn't eating.

Roland became tired of trying not to fall off the stones and started walking towards Lang to tell him he wanted to go inside. But something got his attention. Among the layer of snow that was half frozen, half jelly-like, there was a hint of green. Roland walked to that spot as fast as he could.

His jaw dropped open and his eyes widened in awe. A single flower protruded from the ground, its bud still fresh and green. It seemed to be out of place, but yet so fitting. _Nature creates life and gives it to us, that's why we should always respect it_ , Roland's papa had once told him.

Roland examined the small flower with a smile. It was nature's creation and he wanted to protect it. He ran towards Lang, a new plan forming in his mind.


	8. Harmony

**Harmony**

 _From Ancient Greek ἁρμονία [armonia] (agreement; concord of sounds; symmetry in a relationship and/or in the world; tranquility)_

After weeks of darkness, the sun was finally shining above the castle. It only took a few days for most of the snow to melt. The mountain tops still looked like vanilla ice cream cones, but the castle's grounds were green and mostly dry.

From the day Roland had discovered the lone flower, he made it his mission to help it grow and not let anyone harm it. Lang was reluctant to help him at first, being more interested in spying on the adults and trying to steal their weapons to practice. Until Little John went down to the yard with them. Roland's flower had already bloomed and it revealed a beautiful purple color. It had no scent, but Roland thought that it was perfect the way it was. Two more flowers had grown beside it, their buds still green and delicate. Little John worked with Roland to make a short fence around the flowers and promised Lang to teach him how to use a dirk to defend himself if he helped Roland.

The next week passed in blissful tranquility.

It turned out that Lang liked gardening. He helped Roland build fences around all the new flowers and looked proud of their accomplishments in the end.

One warm afternoon, Roland sat among his flowers in only his shirt. He reveled in the feeling of the vital sunrays bathe his skin with light and enjoyed not having to wear his cape which felt like a constant weight during the long winter.

The air was still cold, but fresh and carrying a warm breeze with the promise of spring. The flower fences rose every few feet around the green space, creating strangely symmetrical small gardens across the entire yard.

The other kids played and laughed among the gardens. Roland still didn't play with them – or they didn't play with him, Roland wasn't sure. But they respected the flowers and Roland was okay with them being nearby.

A few butterflies arrived to make the yard even more colorful. Roland tried to catch them with his fingers, running around and getting tired after a few laps. That's when he sat on the ground and let himself just observe. And that's when a white butterfly flew towards his face. It sat on his nose and fluttered its wings, making Roland giggle with excitement. The butterfly moved to his belly and Roland lay on the grass, letting the afternoon sun warm him to sleep.


	9. Irony

**Irony**

 _From Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία (figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of the literal meaning; usually covert sarcasm under a serious or friendly pretense)_

A few cheerful birds arrived to make Roland's mood as blue as it was before the return of the sun. And it felt like a dark shade of blue, such a contrast to the pale blue of the sky now that the sun was still up and shining.

The group of swallows formed a family.

It occurred to him when he stepped barefoot on the grass. The other kids had been playing with water, splashing each other with buckets full of the cool liquid, despite their parents' warnings that it still wasn't warm enough for such games. Small ponds turned up around the yard and Roland felt the urge to step in the water, to feel the coolness of it on under his toes.

"Can I?" he asked Lang with a smile, even though he had found out that his smile didn't work with Lang the same way it did with his papa, Little John, Regina or other women.

To Roland's surprise, Lang smiled back easily. "Do whatever you want, lad," he said before lying down on a dry spot and covering his eyes with his arm against the blinding sun.

Roland frowned, but didn't give Lang's indifferent – well, more indifferent than before – attitude any more thought.

He took off his shoes and socks. With the first tentative step he felt the grass against the sole of his foot. It tickled him and gave him the sensation of a unique freedom he had only ever felt outside. His second step reminded him of his papa.

 _We'll play under the sun all day. We'll lie there – right there – barefoot by the lake and later, when the weather is better, we might even take a swim._

But now that the weather was better, his papa wasn't there.

 _We'll be together_ , he had said.

It was a lie. A big painful lie.

One of the little swallows fell off the cozy nest its parents had made for it under the case of a window. Roland cringed as it crashed on the ground. The bird's shrieks were quite loud for a creature that small and Roland's first instinct was to go help it. But before he could take another step the two big swallows were there. One of them took the little bird in its beak and the other helped hold it up until they reached the nest.

The small swallow was safe among its siblings and its parents.

Roland had no parents and the only sister he could ever have was in another world.

A few tears escaped his eyes and fell in the puddle of water in front of him.


	10. Jealousy

**Jealousy**

 _From Ancient Greek ζήλια [zilia], which sometimes meant "jealousy", but more often was used in a good sense, like emulation, rivalry, zeal_

Lang's unusual attitude towards Roland continued during the next few days. He let the younger boy get away with things he otherwise wouldn't.

Roland ended up eating Lang's dessert for two days in a row. Lang kept looking at a spot near the door of the dining hall. Roland thought he was daydreaming. In the end he didn't even realize half his strawberries were gone.

Roland played in the water puddles a lot. Lang didn't pay any attention to him while he was splashing water all around; he was scribbling something on a piece of paper instead. When their time outside was over, Lang was shocked by the amount of dirt he found on Roland's wet clothes.

Roland discovered the reason for Lang's behavior after four days. It was Delwyn. Fair hair and elegant dresses, the girl who had to spend a few weeks in the safety of the castle with her parents in between their travels looked at Lang the way he looked at her from across the dining hall. Lang had eyes only for her, Roland's words to him cut short and forgotten before reaching his ears.

Roland took off to find Little John. Lang didn't even notice.

While Roland was walking up the stairs he heard several conversations around him. Some coming from upstairs, some from downstairs, some from small rooms located in semi-floors and hidden between secret doors. It was like the entire castle was alive and Roland found that as scary and exhilarating as he did the last time he lived there.

He walked towards Little John's room, but stopped in his tracks when he heard a familiar voice. It couldn't be…

He couldn't hear the words clearly; the source of the voice had to be deep inside the room. But Roland was sure the voice was Regina's. What was Regina doing in Little John's room? When did she come to the Enchanted Forest? There was only one way to find out and Roland was not only curious but also excited to see her. He touched the doorknob, ready to push the door open when he heard a loud bang from a few doors down the corridor. Then voices that Roland knew belonged to Tripp, a boy his age, and his mother. It sounded like the woman was crying and Tripp was shouting at her.

Roland wanted to go to Regina, he really did, but the tone Tripp used against his mother was so harsh that Roland couldn't stand it. He left Little John's door behind and headed to the room where the fight was taking place. The door was half opened, so Roland could peek inside. He saw Tripp's mother crying and Tripp's face red from anger.

Tripp looked at the door upon Roland's arrival and Roland gasped in fear and worry both for himself and for the crying mother. Tripp groaned and approached Roland slowly. He looked down at Roland and even though they had the same age, Roland felt like he was tiny at that moment.

"You have no idea how lucky you are that you have no parents. You get to run around all the time and do whatever you want," the boy said in a low tone, the red anger from his face having expanded to his ears. "I'd want to be in your place," he added before pushing Roland aside and leaving the room.

Tripp's mother sobbed miserably a few feet away while Roland was left to stare at Tripp's back as he stomped down the corridor. Roland turned to look at the woman and his heart broke. He took a few steps towards her, but she stopped him with a small gesture.

"Go and play, my boy. Tripp can be a difficult lad. It's okay," she said in a soft voice that sounded like music to Roland's ears.

Roland left the room thinking that Tripp was wrong. _He_ was the lucky one.


	11. Keros

**A/N:** Thank you for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing! Reviews are awesome, so if you'd like leave one to let me know what you think about this story.

Some events from this chapter were mentioned in another story of mine, "Changing Worlds" Chapter 2. You don't have to read it to understand this chapter, but give it a try if you haven't read it and you're curious.

To Chris, a reader who left a guest review for the previous chapter: I'm wondering about the same things. Who will Roland grow up to be if he keeps living with the Merry Men in the Enchanted Forest? What will happen if he meets Regina again months, maybe years later? I will answer some of these questions in this story, but I don't want to reveal any spoilers now. Let's just say that I love Dimples Queen a little too much to let them be separated forever.

 **::::::**

 **Keros**

 _(Greek) From Ancient Greek καιρός (the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words or movement; also weather)_

Roland walked towards Little John's room again. He couldn't hear Regina's voice anymore, there was only silence. He felt a strange discomfort at the thought of entering uninvited, so he decided to knock on the door this time. Despite the uncomfortable sensation, he also felt giddy in the prospect of seeing Regina again, his heart beating faster every time his knuckles hit the wood.

Little John opened the door and let him in.

Roland looked around after the door closed behind him. The room seemed to be empty.

"Was anyone here?" Roland asked.

"Apart from me? No. No one," Little John answered.

Roland searched Little John's face for any sign of uncertainty. But he didn't find any; his words sounded truthful and the expression on his face was as gentle as ever.

Disappointment crept into Roland's heart. He had imagined it. He had imagined Regina's voice like he had so many times before. This time, though, it had sounded so real.

"Who did you think you heard?" Little John asked.

Roland looked down skeptically. He wondered if he should reveal the offsprings of his imagination and his wildest dreams that apparently could never become true.

"No one," he finally replied.

Little John nodded and released a long sigh. "I heard Tripp's voice earlier. Did he do anything to you?" he asked with voice full of concern.

Roland sat at the edge of the bed and Little John followed to sit beside him. Roland hesitated again, but decided to tell the truth about Tripp and his mother. Maybe Little John could help.

"Why did he talk to his mama that way?" Roland asked. "I don't understand."

Little John put his arm around Roland's shoulders and pulled him close.

"Some families aren't the way we're used to. Tripp and his parents… When Tripp was younger he was sick. His parents thought he wouldn't make it, so they did everything Tripp wanted. They treated him like a king. Now Tripp is healthy and his parents love him as much as before, but the boy misses all the attention he used to get and becomes upset when his parents give equal attention to his sister."

Roland blinked a few times, his eyes fixed on a random spot in front of him, while he tried to understand.

"So, Tripp thinks his parents don't love him enough?" Roland asked.

"He knows that they do, but I suppose sometimes he can't help but feel like they don't," Little John replied.

"But his mama loves him a lot! I saw how sad she was!" Roland said incredulously.

Little John was silent for a moment.

After Roland pulled away a little to look at him he said softly, "You could be Tripp's friend and help him understand."

"But he's mean to me," Roland complained.

"I know," Little John said as he run a hand through Roland's curls. "Maybe later then. When the time is right."

Roland frowned. "Even Lang has a new friend. When will I get one?"

Little John smiled at him and released a sigh. "When the time is right."

The time was right sooner than Roland thought. Only two days later some of the Merry Men returned from their trip to the nearest town. They had gone for supplies and apart from food they brought a girl with them.

"She was following us everywhere for an entire day," Much said. "She says she has no parents. We thought it would be safer for her in the castle."

As Little John's anger dissipated, he shook his head and muttered something about "good men" and "honor". Roland had observed the scene from afar. The girl kept her head down and didn't move from her place near the main doors of the castle. Little John had been angry with Much about having brought someone new in without talking about it first, but the look he gave the girl was filled with worry and good will.

Roland heard footsteps behind him, the other children approaching the main hall, and then Little John's voice calling for him. Roland stepped down the stairs that led to the doors and felt the other children following him.

"Roland, I want you to meet Lizzie," Little John said.

The girl finally looked up at the sound of her name. Her eyes locked with Roland's and twin gasps left their lips. Roland's heart skipped a beat in the sight of the familiar face and his smile made the corners of his eyes cringle.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," Lizzie said back, her lips curving into a hesitant smile of her own.

Another life flashed before Roland's eyes and he could see that she remembered, too. Endless days in the streets of a cruel world, motionless nights in the stuffy and stingy hole they had to call 'home'. But also sweet comfort that only they could give each other when everyone else seemed to have forgotten them. Roland had been homeless in that other reality, the one that had been too real before he woke up in Storybrooke's forest again. It had been real for as long as he'd been in it, and Lizzie had been there with him.

The other children looked at Lizzie with curiosity and mumbled forced 'hello's. Roland took Lizzie's hand and together they followed Little John and Much to the dining hall.


	12. Lithi

For Film, Franzi, Laura and Julie who always want to read more of this story, and to everyone who is still eager to read the continuation!

* * *

 **Lithi**

 _(Greek) From Ancient Greek λήθη (forgetfulness, being forgotten, oblivion)_

Roland climbed the steps two at a time. His legs hurt, but he didn't want to stop.

"Roland, slow down! Wait for me!" Lizzie told him from the bottom of the staircase.

Roland planted his feet on the carpet once he reached the next floor and turned around to look at his friend.

"But I want to go now!" he said with a pout.

"But your legs are taller than mine and you're faster. I can't keep up with you," Lizzie said.

Roland grinned, showing his dimples. "You're here now," he said.

Lizzie reached the top of the staircase and both kids stood there for a few moments to catch their breath.

Roland was the first one to start walking again, with measured steps this time.

"Where are we going?" Lizzie asked.

"You'll see."

Lizzie followed Roland in a part of the castle she didn't recognize. The corridor they walked in was a few floors under the royal chambers where she was staying along with Roland, but at a different side of the castle, one that was directed to the south.

The carpet was elegant and fluffy; they could feel their shoes sinking in its softness. The walls were covered by dark red wallpaper that had gone green in some spots. Roland could smell the fungus and remembered Regina saying that despite the window at the far end, the corridor was never kissed by the sun and the humidity could make it suffocating if no one took proper care of it. Large paintings covered the walls, symmetrically placed along the corridor, their gloomy colors fitting in the darkness.

The ticking of a clock could be heard from the middle of the corridor and Lizzie frowned when she noticed it.

"It's almost lunchtime. They'll be looking for us," she said

"We're almost here," Roland told her with a confident nod.

Roland looked right and left until he spotted a specific painting. He stopped and turned towards it; Lizzie stopped right beside him. The painting illustrated a meadow with several wild horses scattered around, some browsing happily, some standing proudly with their forelocks and tails flowing in the wind. Roland stared at the painting in awe. It had been a long time since he'd seen it and it would always remind him of Regina, of her fascination for horses and her wide smile every time he saw her ride one.

"Roland?"

Lizzie's voice took him out of his reverie.

"We have to reach the secret handle now," Roland said, his eyes focused on the top of the painting. He looked at it with a trouble expression on his face. "I can't reach it," he said, his voice coming out breathless and higher than before. "Lizzie, we can't reach it!"

Roland's eyes filled with tears and he was finding it hard to breathe.

"Roland? What is it? Can I help?" Lizzie asked.

"Roland?" she repeated when she got no answer, tears forming in her own eyes as well.

"I should have known I wouldn't be able to go in! I have to go in!" Roland shouted at the painting, making Lizzie gasp and take a step back.

"Roland, let's go to the dining room," Lizzie said, tears now falling freely from her eyes.

Roland sniffed and took a step towards the painting. He brought his hand up and caressed one of the horses with his fingertip.

"I should be able to go in," he said, his sniffs quickly turning into sobs.

"What is in there?" Lizzie asked.

"It's a room. Regina's secret library," Roland said after a few minutes, when the sobs had subsided enough to let him speak.

"Who is Regina?"

"She was… my other mama," Roland said, rubbing his eyes furiously with his fists.

"Is she with your papa and your mama up there?" Lizzie asked, pointing her finger upwards.

Roland took a sharp intake of breath.

"No! She's just in another world," he said.

"Oh."

"I wanted to go to her library, because I've been there before and I know where I can find some useful things. She has magical things and you can use them to make potions. I wanted to make a remembering potion so that I never forget."

"Forget what?"

"My papa. Regina. My sister. Henry. Home."

Roland whispered the last word. He wasn't sure if home was a place or just a thought. He had forgotten how it felt to have a place where he could feel happy and he wasn't sure whether home actually existed.

Lizzie nodded in understanding and that surprised him.

"You won't forget," she said firmly.

"How do you know that?" he asked.

"Because I haven't forgotten. I still remember my mama's hug and beautiful voice singing to me every night. Her eyes, her smile and her love."

The tears were still shining in Lizzie's eyes, but now her expression was serene.

"I don't remember my mama at all," Roland said miserably.

"And I don't remember my papa. But you remember yours and your other mama. They'll be with you forever."

"Regina told me that my papa will always be in my heart."

"That's true," Lizzie said and gave Roland a reassuring smile before offering him her hand.

Roland took it without hesitation and they started walking to the staircase slowly.

Comfortable silence surrounded them on their way to the dining room, but Roland's thoughts were loud. He thought of Lizzie's words and his papa talking to him softly every night before sleep took him. He thought of Regina's hugs and freshly baked apple pie. The memories were painful, but Roland thought hard and wordlessly promised his papa that he would never stop thinking about them.


	13. Melancholy

**A/N:** Thank you for the follows and favorites! :) And a big thank you to Film (maythavee) who checked this chapter for me! Also, I want to mention Jen (stick-to-the-lasagna-lady on tumblr) who I forgot to mention last time (sorry!) and who gave me a beautiful compliment about my writing that I appreciate and won't forget!

* * *

 **Melancholy**

 _From Ancient Greek μελαγχολία (sadness; condition characterized by sullenness, gloom, irritability; ill disposition, anger, annoyance; literally: black bile)_

People were coming and going hurriedly, starting their day as usual. Roland watched them from his place at the bottom of the stairs that led to the dining room. He was hidden behind the shadows created by the warm sunrays. He watched the shadow of the banister changing position on the stairs, becoming smaller and smaller, and he was certain it wouldn't keep hiding him for long.

It was almost lunchtime. People didn't look like they were preparing for lunch though. Lang had gone outside with Delwyn, the "fairest in all the lands" as he called her. Roland thought that they would be away for hours like they did every day, but he was wrong. Lang entered the castle, Delwyn following close behind, matching mischievous grins on their faces as they carried something big and funny-shaped into the unused ballroom. Some time later Tuck appeared from a corridor close to another staircase. He was holding something wrapped in newspaper and headed to the ballroom as well.

Suddenly the dining room door opened and Roland jumped. Tripp's mom along with another woman appeared and stood in front of the staircase.

"Is this the right kind?" Tripp's mom asked.

"I don't know. I'm not used to having chocolate, especially that much chocolate," the other woman replied and looked around nervously.

Roland curled farther into the stairs to avoid being noticed.

"Mina…" Tripp's mom started.

"All I'm saying is that our boys aren't treated like that."

Roland thought he heard bitterness in her voice and she looked angry, but in the next moment Tuck was out of the ballroom and the woman's expression changed.

"Good, you have it!" Tuck said as he approached the women. He gestured at them and they followed him inside, the woman named Mina rolling her eyes behind Tuck's back.

"Hi!" a cheerful voice said from behind Roland and he was happy it was Lizzie who found him. She was the person he wanted to see the most.

"Shhh," Roland said, putting his index finger on his lips. He was happy to see her, but she shouldn't make his hiding place known. "Where were you?" he asked.

"Look!" Lizzie whispered, barely containing her excitement. She turned around and pointed to her hair. Her previously untamed black curls were shorter and looked as neat as Roland had ever seen them.

"Cool," Roland said, smiling at his friend.

"Vera's mama did it," Lizzie said as she sat at the step behind Roland to be under the shadow.

Roland turned his head around as best as he could to look at Lizzie for a little while longer. He didn't understand why the other kids averted their eyes when she passed in front of them and sometimes Roland felt that they liked him more than they liked Lizzie. One morning he heard them saying that she didn't belong there with them. But Roland couldn't see that. For all he knew she was his friend and he wanted to protect her from anyone who attempted to harm her or tell her to leave.

"Why are you hiding?" Lizzie asked, taking Roland out of his reverie.

Roland's lips curved into a smile again, one that showed his dimples.

"Tonight we have a mission," he said.

 **::::::**

The night came quickly, with everyone still running about the castle when Little John took Roland and Lizzie to their room and tucked them in their beds. Little John looked worried and glanced at every direction of the room when he thought Roland had fallen asleep. He sighed heavily and left the room a few minutes later.

"What's wrong with Little John?" Lizzie whispered.

"I don't know," Roland answered. "We shouldn't sleep until everyone else goes to sleep."

It turned out that Lizzie fell asleep and Roland had to wake her up when he decided it was safe for them to go, after hearing the familiar sound of midnight from the clock in the corridor. Lizzie complained, tired eyes looking up at the wide awake boy.

"It's my birthday," Roland whispered.

It was all it took to make Lizzie leave her warm cocoon of blankets and follow Roland downstairs. The task would be twice as hard if Roland hadn't known some of the castle's secret passages. He remembered Regina taking him through one to hide him quickly when flying monkeys appeared out of nowhere. Another time his papa had ordered some of his Merry Men to hide all the children in a dark passageway that smelt of moist and dirt.

Roland took Lizzie's hand and didn't let go. He felt her shake – From the cold? From fear? – but didn't stop moving, and she seemed to trust him. Roland was glad, because he knew where he was going; he had never been so sure about something in his life. He walked close to the wall, his fingers trailing its hard surface until he found a corner, and then carefully he turned, tugging Lizzie's hand along. Slowly but surely the two children made it to the central staircase and found themselves in the same hiding place, in the shadow the light created on the first steps – this time the light of a torch hanging on the wall.

A guard passed by the dining room doors once, twice. Roland recognized him as one of the men that joined them a few weeks ago when they arrived at the castle. After the third time the man approached the door, he stopped. He looked around for a moment and then entered the dining room.

Roland shot up from the stairs, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He ran down as quietly as he could, glancing behind him to see if Lizzie was there. She was, and together they pushed one part of the heavy double door of the ballroom and went inside. Roland held the handle and Lizzie held Roland's shoulders, trying to combine their strength and close the door silently. They released similar breaths of relief accompanied by fatigue and turned around.

Roland froze at the site.

"It's beautiful," Lizzie said.

Roland nodded from beside her.

"I thought we would have to destroy it," he said, his voice trembling, suddenly reluctant at the thought.

"What? Why?"

Roland looked around the room. Several sweets were placed on a big table; sweets that Roland knew weren't easy to find in the Enchanted Forest. And among them, tall and seemingly delicious, stood the cake. It was only half a cake – two sponge cakes – and Roland thought that they would probably make cream and frosting the next day. Several items were scattered around and made the place look entirely different from the last time he was there during a celebration for the adults. Aircrafts of many kinds – planes and helicopters from the land without magic, air balloons, even parachutes – had been placed neatly on the floor in every corner of the room. They were made from natural products like wood and leaves, and Roland found them fascinating.

"Last year Regina helped papa and the Merry Men throw me a celebration. It was a birthday party like the ones they have in the Land Without Magic. There were clowns and lots of colorful balloons. I saw the clowns' uniforms in the washroom a few days ago and I thought the party would be the same as last year. I didn't want that, because papa is not here, so it will never be the same again. I wanted to make it different, but it's already different," Roland said. "What's wrong?" he asked when he saw Lizzie's panicked expression.

"Please, let them give you a proper celebration," Lizzie said pleadingly. She lowered her head before adding "I don't even have a birthday."

Roland gasped and his eyes widened in surprise.

"You can't _not_ have a birthday!" he said. "How about celebrating with me tomorrow?"

"But it's your special day!" Lizzie exclaimed.

"Then we can find another day that can be _your_ special day," Roland said with a smile. "And don't worry, I don't want to destroy _this_ ," he added.

Roland and Lizzie walked around the room to examine the aircrafts. They didn't touch them; they would be able to do that the next day. When they felt like they couldn't keep their eyes open anymore, they headed to their room as silently as they had sneaked out.

 **::::::**

The sun woke them up the next morning, rising earlier and earlier with each passing day. Roland and Lizzie went down the stairs with heavy limbs and puffy eyes. Lang saw them before they reached the ground floor and with a quick _happy birthday_ he ran past them.

Little John was waiting at the bottom the final stairs, a big smile adorning his face and making his eyes look less tired. He was always tired lately, that's what Roland thought. When he saw him though, his first instinct was to run into his arms. Little John caught him with an _Oomph, you're so big now!_ which made Roland giggle.

Most of the Merry Men were there and wished Roland a happy birthday, a chorus of voices that echoed in Roland's ears during breakfast and kept his wide smile plastered on his face. Roland's favorite thing of that morning wasn't the attention he got from everyone though. It was Little John's presence beside him. He had been constantly busy lately and Roland found himself missing him a lot. Having him there was a blessing and sadness clouded his mind when he thought that the pleasant change was probably only for his birthday.

The rest of the day passed faster than Roland had expected. Anticipation filled the air before dinner. Everyone knew what it was about and Lizzie could hardly stop laughing while they walked towards the dining room – Lang and Delwyn ahead of them – because she had seen the ballroom prepared for the celebration and only Roland knew. Roland pinched her arm to make her stop laughing, but she laughed even harder, causing Roland's dimples to show as he joined his friend in a heartfelt laugh.

At the bottom of the stairs, Lang stopped and turned around.

"This way, my lord," he said with a deep bow that Roland found ridiculous. "After you, milady," he added turning towards Lizzie, his bow deepening even more, and Roland almost tripped as he was trying to watch Lang's funny gestures instead of walking.

Although Roland knew what was in the ballroom, what he saw when he got inside was breathtaking. The aircraft toys were still there and now chocolate frosting had been added to the cake, making it more tempting. But the people were the addition that made the room absolutely beautiful. It looked like every resident of the castle was there to celebrate Roland's birthday and the boy was thrilled.

Roland and Lizzie decided to touch and play with the aircrafts this time. They had just managed to make a parachute of wood and leaf fly for a few seconds when Roland realized that Little John wasn't there. He asked Lang, but it was Much who told them Little John was in his bedchambers, busy with something important. Roland frowned, but continued playing with the parachute, not wanting his change of mood to attract any attention.

"I'm going to Little John's bedchambers," he whispered to Lizzie after a while.

"But people will be wondering where you are," Lizzie whispered back.

Roland sighed. "I don't want to spend my celebration without Little John," he said before carefully sneaking out of the crowded ballroom.

He made his way to Little John's bedchambers without many distractions. He only met one of the men who temporarily stayed with them guarding one of the corridors. Little John's door was half opened and Roland slid inside with a smile, ready to surprise him. Halfway into the room, before turning the corner to see Little John, he heard his voice. He was talking to someone – wasn't he alone?

"I still think it's too soon," he said.

"Little John, it's his birthday! Let me talk to him just for a few minutes," another voice said and Roland froze in his place.

The voice was Regina's. It sounded clear like she was right there. With his heartbeat so loud in his ears that he could barely make out Little John's next words, Roland dared to take a step to the left. He could now see Little John's legs, but he didn't want to move farther in case he got noticed. No one else seemed to be in the room, at least not in the direction Little John was supposed to be looking. Roland tried to recall what was in the room the last time he was there. The bed on which Little John was sitting, a nightstand, a wardrobe, a mirror…

That was it. Regina wasn't there; she was talking to Little John through the mirror like she had done in the past when she and his papa were in a mission together and Aunt Snow was worried about them. Roland shook the memory out of his mind to concentrate on what was going on.

"You know I don't like this either, but it's for Roland's good," Little John said.

Regina let out a dry laugh.

"We've been over this and you agreed with me about what's good for Roland," she said through the mirror. Roland thought he heard her voice breaking in the end.

"We've also been over _this_ and we've agreed that it's not the right time. Not when the Evil Queen is still there and –"

"That's one of the reasons I want to talk to him now!" Regina said louder than before, making Roland jump. "We didn't get to say goodbye to each other, not really. What if…" Regina said, her voice becoming soft, almost whispering the last two words in a sentence that remained unfinished.

Roland didn't realize what happened in the next few seconds – everything was fast. Regina was talking like she would never be able to see him again and in the next moment memories invaded Roland's mind and made his head hurt. Thinking that he had heard Regina's voice (now he knew that it was actually her), but convincing himself that he had been wrong, the other children mocking him about his lack of parents while one of his mamas was actually right _there_ , and now Little John was talking to Regina and not letting her talk to him…

"Regina!"

Roland leapt forward with such force that he stumbled on the carpet before the bed. He fell down hard, but got up immediately, not caring about his scraped knee. He thought he heard Little John gasp, but Roland didn't pay any attention to him. He focused on the mirror instead. It was a round mirror hanging on the wall next to the wardrobe. Regina's eyes scanned the room, apparently searching for him. When she finally spotted him, she released a watery sigh.

"My little knight," she said, tears shining in her eyes.

Roland went closer to the mirror, straining his neck to look up. That wouldn't work. He looked around and as he was about to reach for the nearest chair, Little John was on his feet and brought it to him. Roland gave him a grateful glance before he climbed on the chair. The next time he looked at Regina, tear trails were on her cheeks, but she had a faint smile on her face.

"Hi," Roland said.

"Hi," Regina said back.

They stayed like that for a few moments, not talking, just looking at each other. Regina looked as tired as Little John, maybe even more so. Her hair was short, shorter than Roland ever remembered it to be. But she was still beautiful. She _is the fairest in all the lands_ , Roland thought, _not Delwyn._

"Happy birthday, Roland," Regina said.

"Thank you," Roland said and grinned at her.

That took a laugh out of her – Roland didn't understand why – and another tear rolled on her cheek.

"Regina, don't cry," Roland said.

"I'm just happy to see you, sweetheart."

"I'm happy, too," Roland said, grinning once again. "Why didn't we talk before?"

Regina's smile disappeared and it took her a while to answer. "Because some bad things have been happening here. I need to take care of everything before we can see each other again."

"Is it the Evil Queen?" Roland asked.

For the first time Regina's eyes left his briefly to exchange a glance with Little John.

"Yes, the Evil Queen. After she can no longer harm people, you and I can talk again," Regina said. She took a deep breath and added, "Alright?"

Roland nodded. Regina was a hero and she needed to protect everyone. He understood that.

"But why were you talking to Little John and not me?" Roland said, a pout appearing on his face.

This time Regina's answer was immediate. "Because I wanted to make sure that you were alright, but Little John and I didn't want to upset you before we knew what would happen with the Evil Queen."

Roland nodded again.

"But you wanted to talk to me today," Roland said.

"Today is your birthday."

"It is!"

With that Regina chuckled and said "Then you'd better go back to your party."

"Can you come, too?" Roland asked.

"I'm afraid not, my little knight," Regina answered and Roland saw sadness covering her eyes, no trace of her earlier chuckle on her face.

"But you'll come another time?" Roland asked, a wish hidden in his question.

"Yes, I will," Regina said, throwing a glance at Little John again. The man let out a sigh, but remained in his seat on the bed and didn't say anything.

"Now, promise me that you'll enjoy your party?" Regina asked with a look that didn't leave any doubt that she was to be obeyed – a piece of advice from mama Regina.

"I'll try," Roland said, his voice low. Regina widened her eyes and gave him a pointed look. "Okay, I will!"

"That's my little knight! Don't tell me there isn't anything cool in your party!"

"Of course there is!" Roland exclaimed. "There's a chocolate cake and lots of aircrafts made of wood, leaves and rocks!"

"See? It's going to be fun," Regina said, her smile faltering while she wiped another stray tear. "Before I let you return to your party, I wanted to tell you that your little sister and Henry say hi."

"But my little sister can't talk," Roland said, giggling. "Can she?" he asked a moment later, wondering if after all those months, his sister got old enough to speak.

Regina giggled as well and Roland felt satisfied that he was able to elicit that sound out of her. He liked that happy look on her face, even if it usually didn't last for long.

"No, she can't talk yet. But if she did, she would want to say hi to you," she said.

"I say hi back," Roland said with a nod.

He leaned his head closer to the mirror. His warm breath made the glass blurry and Roland didn't like that because he couldn't see Regina's face clearly. He pulled back again.

"I love you, Roland," Regina said.

"I love you, too, Regina."

And with that, the only thing Roland could see in the mirror was his own reflection. He remained standing on the chair, the only sounds in the room coming from his and Little John's breaths, until Little John stood up and approached him with heavy footsteps. Roland turned around to face him. He felt like crying, but for some reason the tears wouldn't come. He noticed a sad expression on Little John's face and he momentarily thought that it was good, because Roland wasn't happy, so why should everyone else be happy? He regretted it immediately, his papa's words to be righteous (a word Roland didn't fully understand) and good echoing in his head. He jumped off the chair and hissed, only then realizing that his knee hurt.

"Let me take care of that and then we can go back to your party," Little John said, his voice incredibly soft for a man of his size.

"No," Roland said.

"Roland…"

"I don't want to go back to the party."

Roland's words made Little John sigh. He grabbed a clean cloth from inside the wardrobe and dipped it in the water basin. His touch to Roland's knee was gentle and the boy let the man clean the wound that also had a bruise around the almost dried blood.

"Does it hurt?" Little John asked.

"No. I'm a big boy now," Roland answered.

"Of course you are," Little John said, the chuckle that followed the only joyful sound Roland had heard from him since that morning. "Let's go to the party now," Little John tried again, looking at Roland hopefully.

Roland contemplated his options. He could go to the party and be miserable because his earlier bright mood had dissipated and the only thing he wanted to do was talk with Regina again. Or he could stay up there and be miserable alone.

He remembered Regina's words and how much she wanted him to enjoy his party. So, he would try, just for her.

The way to the ballroom was silent and slow. Roland and Little John were greeted with cheerful voices and not long later six candles were lit on the cake, one for each year Roland had lived on the Earth, a tradition of another world that reminded Roland of Regina again. _A silly tradition_ , Roland thought, because he knew he had lived for longer than six years; Henry had once helped him calculate how many. Nevertheless, he blew out the candles and made a secret wish (" _Let the world be fair"_ ).

Roland sat beside Lizzie on the floor near a miniature hot air balloon made of roots and colorful rose petals. Tuck brought plates with chocolate cake to the children and Lizzie immediately took a bite. She said that the cake's cream tasted heavenly and such a cake was something she had never eaten before.

Roland looked at his own piece and wondered why he didn't feel like eating it. Chocolate was one of the things he really missed since he left Storybrooke and now its dark brown color reminded him of a black monster ready to eat him instead of him eating it.

He looked around at all the happy people and felt like his birthday wish would never come true. He placed the plate beside him on the floor and didn't smile for the rest of the night.


End file.
